“When something goes wrong, find someone to blame.” This is actually one of the rules of a dysfunctional family. It also seems to be the way of our culture in 2011. But blaming others turns us into victims and leaves us feeling helpless and impotent. Who wants that?! Blaming ourselves is just as bad. Any blame keeps us stuck and unable to change our situation.
An example is with conflict in a marriage. You can blame your partner..”if she would just be more appreciative, I wouldn’t get so mad”. “It’s all her fault how the kids have turned out. She’s too lenient when I’m not at home. She lets them run all over her.” Blaming your spouse will only distance you and will not solve any problems.
Or you can blame yourself.. “if I had only worked harder, we wouldn’t be in such a mess.” ”If I weren’t gone all the time, I could help more with the kids. This job is ruining my marriage & my kids.” I’m not suggesting that you don’t look at what your responsibility is, but blaming yourself and taking responsibility are two different things. Taking responsibility is about resolving the problem. It’s about learning from your mistakes and taking action to change your behavior and not repeat the mistake. It’s also accepting what you cannot or will not change (i.e. your spouse and career).
Awareness ,plus no-blame of self or others, plus taking action = change. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking because you are aware of the blame game, it will change. You have to take action. Remember, if you point the finger at someone else, there are three fingers pointing back at you.
