by Nancy Hay on September 26, 2011
“When something goes wrong, find someone to blame.” This is actually one of the rules of a dysfunctional family. It also seems to be the way of our culture in 2011. But blaming others turns us into victims and leaves us feeling helpless and impotent. Who wants that?! Blaming ourselves is just as bad. Any blame keeps us stuck and unable to change our situation.
An example is with conflict in a marriage. You can blame your partner..”if she would just be more appreciative, I wouldn’t get so mad”. “It’s all her fault how the kids have turned out. She’s too lenient when I’m not at home. She lets them run all over her.” Blaming your spouse will only distance you and will not solve any problems.
Or you can blame yourself.. “if I had only worked harder, we wouldn’t be in such a mess.” ”If I weren’t gone all the time, I could help more with the kids. This job is ruining my marriage & my kids.” I’m not suggesting that you don’t look at what your responsibility is, but blaming yourself and taking responsibility are two different things. Taking responsibility is about resolving the problem. It’s about learning from your mistakes and taking action to change your behavior and not repeat the mistake. It’s also accepting what you cannot or will not change (i.e. your spouse and career).
Awareness ,plus no-blame of self or others, plus taking action = change. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking because you are aware of the blame game, it will change. You have to take action. Remember, if you point the finger at someone else, there are three fingers pointing back at you.
by Nancy Hay on September 26, 2011
In this rapidly changing economy, we are constantly being inundated with negative press about “how bad it is out there”, and the reality of the housing market and the stock market supports this statement. However, much of your stress is self created by how you think. For example, you look at your most recent statement on your 401K. Do you spend time thinking about how mad you are at this? How you’ve worked X amount of years, and now look where you are. Do you calculate the loss over and over again? You wonder…what if the economy doesn’t recover in the next 2 or 3 years, then where will I be? What if I lose everything? What if my company goes under? What will I do? I will probably lose my home, my spouse, …who will hire me? If all the pilots are out of work, how will I complete for a job? And on and on…
And now for the good news…you can change how you feel by changing how you think. So what?..you ask. If you lower your stress levels, you have more energy to think clearly and make better decisions. Plus you are easier to live with so your relationships improve. Also, reduced stress levels in your body lead to better overall health.
You can lower your stress by taking a few simple actions. First, whenever you hear your self say or think “what if” …..STOP that thought.
It will only lead to anxiety. “What if” thinking is something that is not happening now. It is about the future and not in your immediate control. Second, ask yourself, “Is there any action I need to take now?” If so, move into action. If not, focus on something you do have control over. You will hear me repeat over and over, “Whatever you focus on grows.” Finally, think about what you are grateful for. Counting your blessings keeps life in perspective. Once a day, think of 5 things you are grateful for. You will begin to see these things expand in your life!
